I seem to be finding strength and God in every day random things more and more often. So I’m a massive nerdy bookworm #Fact. I took a careless sabbatical from reading while I was in the desert. But I’m tired of hiding from who I truly am anymore, I’m just a big ubër nerd. While I was in the living mortuary, reading was the only solitude I could find. Usually I read while I listen to my iPod, but in that human abattoir of discontent, iPods (and cellphones) apparently interfere with their useless kreepy-krawly protruding instruments. So I was forced to read in silence.
At first it was really difficult to block out the world around me and focus on the book. The concentration, the focus, the silence, all the things, that are required for serious reading are not within most peoples reach anymore. My Grampa used to say “the angels of the silences have run amuck” maybe that’s what he meant. But I persevered and eventually found comfort again in silence. Being disconnected. Being “alone” per se suddenly became important.
When I got out of that organ pawn shop, all I wanted to do was read or do things in silence, hear the natural order of things. Now this doesn’t mean I gave up on my iPod. Hell No! Music has and always will be something a big part of my life. Silence just helped me find something more tangible & real within music. Now when I listen to music. I listen to it at full blast. I want to hear every instrument, every note, every syllable, every quiver of the vocal cord. I want to feel music. when you realize that the lyrics are such a small component of the music, you will understand what im getting at.
Rediscovering the silences won’t make sense to a lot of people. It took me 5 months to make sense of it in any sort of way. Probably some sort of spiritual mumbo-jumbo. But I can tell you that when you find silence again, you will hear things very very differently. Lets put it this way, I no longer even run with my iPod. It still comes with me, but I use it to track my distance with my Nike+. I now listen to myself breathing. I now listen to each step I take. I now listen to the road or path. And you know how much I hate running. What’s incredibly weird is that my running has also improved. Not that it matters.
Tomorrow my entire Amazon wishlist is meant to arrive. Silence + snow + a fire place + 27 books + heaven. I said I was a Nerd!
“I dream of Michelangelo when I’m lying in my bed
Little angels hang above my head and read me like an open book
Suck my blood, break my nerve offer me their arms
Well, I will not be an enemy of anything
I’ll only stand here
Waiting for you
All my sins…
I said that I would pay for them if I could come back to you
All my innocence is wasted on the dead and dreaming”