Don’t you hate those people that only drive 100km/h or slower in the fast lane on the freeway? Aren’t they annoying? Pull over to the left and let the faster cars past, you selfish prick. Can’t you see me throwing my hands around. You must know you’re pissing me off.

Well sucker. I’m one of those people who drive slowly on the freeway, in the fast lane. When you’ve got to take the N2 offramp from the M5 just before hospital bend and just after Moscow on the Hill (UCT) I might as well get in the fast lane so I don’t need to swerve like a taxi driver doing meth to make the exit. I’m really sorry that you now need to slow to the speed of sound. How’s my rear end look? I polished the bumper just for you.

It’s nice to know your hooter works, but it sounds abit off key. Maybe you should have that checked out. I see you like to wave, me too. But I can only wave one hand at a time.

I’ve often thought of following you to your destination. Just behind your bumper all the way. I promise I know how to drive like a baboon if I need to. Right now life’s pretty chill, but I guess one day I’ll have some free time to come over for some tea and coffee. Im a not a big guy and im quite passive. But I have a cheeky smile on my face, and im pretty sure I can match wits with you. You might drive a BMW. I might drive a Toyota. But trust me on this you classless brat, the slower I drive, the more I win.

See you in the fast lane tomorrow